texts from last night

[preternaturalist]

y'all know what to do

Comments

[diggingupdirt]

1. So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
2. I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
3. Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
4. Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident

4

[thepussywhisperer]

You're welcome, even it it meant losing out on getting a girl's number.

[diggingupdirt]

I'm sorry!!!

But you know if she wasn't down with the whole Bob Ross thing was she really the girl for you?

[thepussywhisperer]

It wasn't the Bob Ross thing, but the fact we were wearing matching clothes. She thought you were my girlfriend and I was cheating in front of your face.

[diggingupdirt]

Oh. Shit. Right. My bad, I forgot about that.

I'll make it up to you?

[thepussywhisperer]

Dumplings would ease the pain of having to go dateless for the weekend again.

[diggingupdirt]

Fair enough but let me go pick them up and let me go by myself. Otherwise you're gonna be making your own dumplings and dumplings for like 70 oher people too. You know my mom.

[thepussywhisperer]

That's okay by me. I don't know if I can handle your mom trying to hook us up again. I'll let you get eaten by the wolves on your own this time.

[diggingupdirt]

I can't handle it either. At least it won't be two of us suffering if I go alone and make a few trays of dumplings. I'll spare you. This is who much I love you.

[thepussywhisperer]

If you really loved me, you'd let me borrow Baozu. For like a month. Maybe a year.

[diggingupdirt]

And then have you wind up homeless when your landlord finds out you got a cat? That's not love.

[thepussywhisperer]

Well, it's not like I'm expecting my landlord to love me. I can deal with that later, after I give Baozu back.

Or I can sic Xiaolongbao on him.

[diggingupdirt]

I wouldn't sic Xiaolongbao on my worst enemy.

That's a lie, I'm a bitch and I totally would.